How to Make Penetration Feel Better: Four Techniques Women Named
Angling, rocking, shallowing and pairing — the four techniques a nationally representative U.S. study found most women use to make penetration more pleasurable, explained clearly.
Frequently asked questions
What is the shallowing technique?
Shallowing is penetrative touch just inside the vaginal entrance — not outside, not deep — with a fingertip, penis tip, toy, tongue or lips, kept there rather than pushed further. In Hensel et al.'s 2021 sample of 3,017 U.S. women, 83.8% found some form somewhat or very pleasurable, most commonly with tongue or lips (69.7%).
What does angling mean during sex?
Angling means rotating, raising or lowering your pelvis or hips during penetration so the penis or toy rubs somewhere different — often with a pillow under the buttocks or lower back. In Hensel et al. (2021), 87.5% of 3,017 U.S. women had used angling to make penetration more pleasurable; 83.5% had used the hips-high version.
Why does staying still feel better than thrusting?
Thrusting moves past the clitoris; staying all the way inside and grinding keeps the base of the penis or toy pressing against it continuously. This is called rocking. In Hensel et al. (2021), 76.4% of U.S. women who had tried it found some form somewhat or very pleasurable — 70.2% with a penis and 35.8% with a toy.
How common is clitoral touch during penetration?
Very common. In Hensel et al.'s 2021 sample of 3,017 U.S. women, 69.7% said adding clitoral touch with a finger or toy during penetration helped them orgasm more often or enjoy penetration more; 49.0% had a partner do it and 40.0% touched themselves. Separately, Herbenick et al. (2018) found nearly three quarters of women said clitoral stimulation was necessary or made orgasms better.
How do I bring these techniques up with my partner?
Use the names — they exist so you have comfortable words. Ask for one specific thing: "stay all the way in and press against me," or "just the tip, and stay there." Offer directional choices ("higher like this or lower like this?") rather than yes/no questions. Partners: do what's asked, steadily, without commentary, for longer than feels necessary.
What if penetration hurts?
Stop, and don't push through — pain isn't fixed by technique and continuing can teach your body to brace. Try more lubricant and more arousal time first. If pain persists, started after childbirth or surgery, or involves tightening that blocks penetration, see a gynecologist or pelvic floor physiotherapist. For fear or disconnection, an AASECT-certified sex therapist can help.